I have had many opportunities to address and counsel many intending couples whose relationships have ended in a good marriage. However in the course of my interactions, unbelievable as it may sound, I have discovered that close to 50 per cent of such intending couples were in a non-sexual relationship and my phones are always very busy with all types of questions on their wedding nights. It is either they do not know what to do sexually or how to go about it. Many ended up with a sexless or frustrated honeymoon.
I want to discuss what spouses who are virgins need to keep in mind before having sex. Not just sex, but a pain-free and memorable experience for both. I believe this will help ease the anxiety and improve the pleasure.
When couples are ready for sex for the first time, the excitement may be so overpowering. On the other hand, it’s very easy to also allow anxiety to take over because for most ladies, one of the most stressful worries is the pain associated with first time sex. This is when a lady wonders in apprehension what it will be like: Will it hurt? How much does it hurt? Why do ladies bleed? Would I bleed? Will I enjoy it? Am I going to have orgasm? How does an orgasm feel?
The truth of the matter is that many ladies don’t feel any pain at all the first time they have sexual intercourse. Very few ladies actually experience pain that is unbearable. And if you experience any pain at all while having sex for the first time, the pain may be similar to a pinprick. The psychological trauma of imagining how much it would hurt is almost always a lot worse than the actual pain many ladies feel. Also while having sex for the first time, there may be spotting or bleeding because of the tear in the hymen. How much you bleed depends on the size and thickness of your hymen. But if you bleed, you may just notice a bit of spotting on your bed or at times, something that resembles your period stain on the sheets. The hymen could tear for several reasons like vigorous exercises, aerobics, energetic dances or even while getting fingered. So for such ladies, the hymen may not be a sign of virginity, but sexual intercourse. After having sex for the first time, you may continue to bleed a little over a few days. But if you see anything more than a bit of spotting in your underwear or scant traces when you pee, speak to someone you trust in the family or get in touch with your doctor. Few brides who have sex for the first time could experience some soreness for a day or two. It’s natural to feel a bit sore just like you would after a good workout.
The virgin groom on the other hand will also wonder what it will be like. Will I satisfy her? Will I have erection? Am I impotent? Am I a real man? Can I be a father? The best thing to do is to relax and have a loving attitude towards your bride. Do not make it mandatory to have sex or practise all the expert methods that same night.
Start off by helping each other to undress and give room for both of you to refresh yourselves with a good bath. This is necessary to calm you down after the stress of the wedding ceremony you have both gone through. The physical, mental and spiritual exhaustion might affect you negatively if not well handled. It is, therefore, very important to be in a relaxed mood and not compulsorily focus your mind on sex for the night. You still have all other nights to yourselves. Then just relax and do not look too serious. At this point, you both should chat, say something sweet and romantic to each other. This should be done more by the groom to relax the bride the more. The same goes to the bride, do not appear as a saintly prey and the man as the merciless predator. Give your husband a reassuring look of acceptance and approval. After taking a bath, which you both can have together, change into something comfortable and lovely. The bride should change into something sweet, irresistible, transparent and seductive, preferably a new lacy bra and undies with a good body perfume. The bride just has to smell very good. The groom likewise should change into a good pyjamas, make use of a good perfume, after-shave and comb his hair neatly.
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