We often meet, read or hear about couples who have had cases of infidelity in their marriage. Spouses or partners often have resentment towards the other spouse or person who has cheated on them within the relationship or marriage.
They also express more hate, anger and resentment towards the person their partner cheated with, rather than towards their own partner. In extreme cases, such hatred is even acted out by causing harm to the other person.
Why is it that, in so many cases, the blame and hate goes to the third party instead of the cheating partner? After all, it is the cheating partner who breached one’s trust and went outside the relationship to have an affair with the other person.
Why do women always blame the other woman when they find out that their partners have been cheated upon? Most times the men don’t get blamed but only get a few screams and tears from their partners. In most cases the man is always forgiven and the heat is then on the other woman for daring to start a relationship with her man. For many the idea of blaming and attacking the other woman makes no sense because it takes two to hook up in infidelity.
A survey carried out on different ladies to get their views on why this often appears to be the case reveals that most of the ladies love and trust the guy too much to want to blame him for infidelity. Most of them argued that men would always be men because they are polygamous in nature. In their varying arguments some of the women were also of the opinion that the men should also be blamed for breaking the trust and bond of the relationship.
“We are all humans and are quick to blame the other person, protecting and forgetting that our partners could also be at fault. Sometimes we blame the other girl because they often like hooked men the second they see an opening.” Mrs. Evelyn Okoye said.
She said most times when a man tries to confide in a female friend about the troubles he is having in his relationship, the other woman sees it as a opening to have a fling with the man. “I would advice men, to always try to resolve their problems within themselves because most of the ladies are only out to make things worse and get the man for themselves. If you begin to complain or discuss issues you’re having with your wife, the other woman due to her selfish nature may lack proper morals on how to respond to your problems. She might say “you deserve better, I wouldn’t do that to you.
“Some women are jealous of a long-term committed relationship, and will do and say things to try to make any existing cracks in your relationship worse. They promise happiness and a way to escape from his problems, it’s almost like they are giving the guy the emotional or mental signal to cheat because there may be some issues in his relationship” She said.
Mrs. Chinwe Obiora, an Abuja based accountant, is of the opinion that the other woman is easily blamed because women are naturally competitive when it comes to getting the attention of men.
She said: “Women are too competitive and hardly blame the man even after the infidelity in the relationship. She would naturally want the man back no matter what even if he is at fault. She would not want to blame him but would rather blame the lady in question.”
Obiora said on her part , she always wanted to prove to the other women that she won by getting her man back. “Speaking from personal experience, I was in relationship with a guy who cheated on me several times and in every infidelity case, I forgave him and blamed the other woman. One day it finally hit me that I am to blame for everything because I had never blamed him on any of the occasion I caught him cheating.
“If I blamed different women on all occasions and he keeps going on with the game with a new person, then I was certainly blaming the wrong person. For me I would say the nasty competitive game between women should stop and the man should be blamed for such infidelity because the guy is just as guilty as the other girl” She explains.
Why do you think girls usually blame the other girl? Sometimes, the girl is completely not at fault. Sometimes, it’s a clear case of the guy lying to both girls. The belief that women are the ones mainly, if not solely, responsible for men’s choice to cheat really is basically unrealistic when you realize that the cheating men are spared from the attacks and insults of their wives or girlfriends.
A Marriage counselor, Hajiya Maryam Abdullahi is of the opinion that women need to be mature enough to handle whatever circumstances thatcome along in their relationships like adults. When the issue of infidelity arises, it is natural for women to think of revenge and how to attack or get back at the other women in question.
She said: “Whatever you do, don’t give in to the pressure of taking revenge either on your husband or the other woman because of the feminist notion that you have to prove that you won the man back. The only person who looks bad when you do that would be only you.”
Another Marriage counselor, Mrs. Chika Emmanuel says, infidelity takes place when a couple’s sexual or emotional exclusivity is violated in marriage saying it is painful to both the betrayed and the other spouse. She said there are reasons for infidelity and couples should try to find out the cause of the infidelity with a view to solving the problem. “ It occurs basically when a spouse’s needs are simply not met. When partners understand each other’s needs and make efforts to meet them, infidelity is much less of a threat,” she advises.
Therefore in the event of infidelity, there should be no fighting, quarrelling or arguments. Adopt dialogue, when it does not work the couple should consult a marriage counselor.
daily trust
No comments:
Post a Comment